It’s tht time of year when we’re about three weeks away from politics, heated debates, long arguments, claims of nepotism, favoritism and special interests overshadowing the real issues at hand. I’m not talking about anything going on at the Federal Reserve, in the Capitol Building or along Pennsylvania Avenue: I’m talking about hockey tryouts, conditioning clinics and the annual circus that accompanies them.
Here’s my three-part guide to dealing with this in a rational and reasonable manner. I realize that for some people, there is no definition of “reasonable” if it doesn’t include a spot on a AAA roster or a preferred team. For everyone else, here goes:
1. Understand why your kid wants to play hockey. Maybe that seems obvious, but there are a bunch of kids playing who really don’t want to be wearing skates four days a week. They would prefer to be doing something else, and are only playing because their parents insist, or they feel guilty about stopping about a long (and frequently quite expensive) “investment” in their hockey. These are classic cases of “good money after bad,” the gambler’s admonition to not continue chasing when the going isn’t going your way. If your kid doesn’t want to play, that should be the end of it, or you’ll have an unhappy kid making coaches, teammates and frequently opponents unhappy as well. Second, if your kid wants to play with his or her friends, or wants to play for a particular team, honor that as much as you can, even if it’s not as good a deal, competitive a team, or appealing to you. You’re not on the ice with those other players. Better your kid plays on a “B” team that he likes than plays on an “A” team as the last forward, skating for a team that wasn’t his first choice.
2. Have Plans B and C. Plan B should not be to scream at the coaches and board members selecting the rosters. In very rare cases will you ever be offered a spot with that team again. There are always teams that have spots open after tryouts, usually clubs that skate more than one team at a particular level, and I know quite a few players cut by my club that skated elsewhere and had just as much fun, made new friends, and did so with dignity and grace for all involved. Cutting anyone is a tough call; it’s a distasteful but necessary part of choosing a team.
3. Decide to be a good sports parent. Read the ESPN book “Fathers & Sons & Sports” for a collection of essays about what it means to be a father figure. Read Brian Kennedy’s “Growing Up Hockey”, now one of my favorite hockey books, to glimpse how hockey can be a lifelong pursuit and companion, if we teach our kids to nourish their love for the game and not poison the game with yelling, screaming, glass-banging, and pressure. When it’s available in a few weeks, read Mark Hyman’s “Until It Hurts”, a book about youth sports and the pressures we place on our kids to succeed. In addition to being a great sports writer with a long resume of by-lines, Mark Hyman writes from experience and perspective. His dad’s name graces the Little League field where I first played, and I believe one of my first mitts was once used by Mark or his brothers; as the father of a college aged son he has watched a “youth sports career” in an end to end rush that didn’t result in the goal intended.
Most of all, let the kids play. It’s their game, and their team. We’re just there to drive, cheer, and offer a shoulder when things don’t go well. During tryouts, there will be more shoulders than usual required, even if not requested.
